A High School Criticism

Now there are very few times one can stumble upon something of true meaning and profound depth in the halls of high school. I'm talking two or three tops. But the other day I was lucky enough to read a quote so poetically sketched into a cement table top located in the courtyard, that I had to stop and pinch myself to make sure I didn't enter into a Shakespearean-esque fantasy. Now I would like to share this quote with all of you in the hope you too can enjoy the depth and intrinsic qualities that, although rare, can still be uncoverd in the mind of a seventeen year old high schooler. And the fact that this person (or persons) was so willing to give me (and the rest of the people sitting at the table) a  little piece of their fine analysis on life, I decided this needed to be shared with a larger audience.
It went a little something like this:
"I love pie and boobs."
Well said, lover of flavorful desserts and female anatomical parts, well said. It used to bother me that many high schoolers didn't share my enthusiasm for well thought out comedy. But I must admit I have been humbled and taken aback by the wit and intellect displayed above. It is evident that this person or group of people could have stopped at "I love pie" but the fact that they added "boobs" to their list of admirations really shows that they want to share a piece of themselves with their audience that reaches past the crust (heh heh) of their true character. Displaying a love for female breasts really shows this poet is an Attache to nude art, and the fact that they love pie shows they are a food connoisseur- seeking out only the most delectable of flavors in order to satisfy their well-trained palette.
What I also like about this saying is its simplicity. The writer of sed-quote could have in fact, elaborated on their favorite type of pie (Keylime? Boston Cream?) or their cup size of preference. But the fact that they left their observation to five words really shows the author wants the audience to interpret this profound meaning for themselves.
It got me thinking...do I really love pie? Or is my alliance to cake? Or tiramisu? And if it is, does it mean I'm not open minded enough to love both pie and cake equally? Maybe I'll have to give up one in order to avoid any future guilt of dessert bias.
And as for boobs. Do I really appreciate them enough? Should I be supplying them with more Victoria's Secret and less sports bras? What if someone is more of a leg person? Does that leave for an under appreciated pair of breasts?
I wish I knew the answers to these questions but I don't. All I know is that this quote has really got me thinking about where my ideals stand, and if most of my life decisions have really been worth it. I hope that this poet can continue their art of supplying me with profound depth and meaning in my life where I was too blind to see needed change. So thank you anonymous table-top Twain. You've given us all a lot of thinking to do. Whether or not humanity is ready to take a true stance on the controversy surrounding boobs and pie I can't be too sure.

Image:BGR.com

My Friends' Future

Do you want to know a secret?
I know some of the most amazing people on this planet. No really, I'm convinced that within my small town and in my even smaller group of friends, reside some of the most spectacular people you will ever meet. I'm not just saying this because I'm close with these people--I can spot an idiot from a mile away. The creativity, passions, senses of humor, and love that I have encountered actually made make not  so terrified that my generation, mired in Juggalos and Bros, will soon be running the country.
And I'm thoroughly convinced that some of the people were placed in my life in order for me to come to a self-actualization on how far behind I really can be. I'm talking about the people that, before the age of 18, have published two plays, traveled the world, received straight A's and still managed to find time to donate blood to orphaned  cats every Tuesday. The ones who have their own business cards and autobiography. You know who I'm talking about, those people you know you're going to end up being a gardener for.
Okay...maybe a cook. And as much as these people intimidate me, they also continue to empower me.
One of these people once said "I just want to be a successful and useful person, I owe it to everyone who has brought me here in my life."
And it's true, not to sound like a 99 cent greeting card, but not only do we owe it to ourselves to lead great lives, but to anyone who has ever invested an ounce of energy into our future.
So while I may not be the type to willingly give my blood to a pet in need (which was made apparent earlier this week when a tiny needle was pressed into my vein by a Ukranian nurse, and I almost fainted) I should still be pushing  myself to my full potential,  I owe it  more than to just myself. What scares me the most is the fact that I may try my best at something and it just wont be good enough.
This is why I think these certain people have been placed in my life. I see their passions, goals and accomplishments and admittedly it makes me want a piece of it for myself. I know future Wall Street lawyers, comedians, musicians, directors, engineers, and doctors. Some don't know it yet. But it makes me extremely excited when I see a person living the life they're meant to lead. So many are destined for success and I know they'll get it.
They make me realize I should be giving everything I have in order to get everything I want. If I someday want to write for a television series maybe I should be blogging more, in order to refine my writing skills and also to please my number one fan. (You know who you are, and while I appreciate the attention, the letters written in your own blood have become too many. I'm concerned there's only so much AB+a body can hold). I'm constantly inspired by the people I talk to, or the jokes I hear in passing period. It's the people we see everyday that allow us to see their talents, and turn our inspiration into passion. I mean sometimes I feel like I'm just getting by (clearly) until the next day comes. And others, I see someone who is really making an impact on the lives of themselves and others, and I'm excited to see what the next day will teach me.

Wild for Wilde Part 2: More Then Friends

"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love but no friendship." ~Oscar Wilde

As I've ventured through numerous relationships with the opposite sex, I've come to find the above statement hauntingly true. It seems that in friendships between woman and man there' s going to be that burning chemistry that neither of you can ignore, or the exctiting loathing over a broken heart, and 9 times out 10 someone is going to want to more then the other.
But Oscar, I'm sorry to say that there are exceptions to this rule. I think it is possible for two people to be close without a firey attraction between the two of them. I've only had a few types of relationships like this with a guy, and let me tell you that they're pretty amazing. It's nice to get insight into the mysterious world of the opposite sex without worrying about how I look or if I accidentally let out a hideous snort instead of produce a cute, feminine giggle. Someone who you can be totally yourself with yet neither of you has the desire to date. The conversations I've had with these boys have been some of the most fun, funniest and dumbest of my life. They've ranged from Alien abductions to Kim Kardashian (bless all of those who were in earshot) but they also give me insight into the world of masculinity, without the lingering questions and heart break. These types of friendships, sadly, are exceedingly rare and usually work best if one of the people is an a committed relationship.
So I don't think the main question between man and woman is "Can we be more then friends?" it's "Can we be friends at all?"
I don't know about you, but I've come to find that with an innocent realtionship with the opposite gender can quickly turn into a flirty one.
But maybe this is how men and women were supposed to function--can we really help that we're just so attracted to eachother? Nah.
 This type of attraction really is what binds man and woman together. I'm fascinated with the idea that I can get on a bus, make eye contact with an attractive man, and get off deeply infatuated. (Nevermind he probably was using public transportation due to a DUI and license suspension. Attraction knows no bounds.)
Men and women could easily be buddies if we didn't fall in love with eachother so quickly. And in high school, hormones racing left and right, this kind of obsession isn't exactly a one of a kind commodity. So as much as I love my rare, genuine friendships with a man, I like the possibility of finding someone special just as much.
Well what if a true guy-girl friendship without lust is harder to find then Wilson the volleyball? I believe many of us find desire just that much more interesting. And we're all just getting by until the person we want the most sees us as more then just a pal.




Image: IMDb for the movie Just Friends

How To Hold On To Your Dignity

The confirmation that we aren' t total failures at life. The feeling we get when we know we've made ourselves look good, humble, and maybe even a little cool. By definition, it is the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect. This my friends, is called dignity. It makes us feel strong and powerful, like we've got this omnipresent glow of impermeable self-satisfaction. I guess that's why it hurts just that much more when it gets taken away. Now, I'm an expert at both getting dignity taken away from me and seeing it getting stripped off of others. So below I've compiled a list to help all of you dignity-enthusiasts sustain that respect and honor you truly deserve.

1. Never text and run on a treadmill-it will end in tears and the taunting of small children.

2. If you put your phone on mute there is a reason it is on mute, make sure the person on the other end really can't hear you.

3. Don't Facebook stalk your ex's new boyfriend or girlfriend. Or if you must, be sure you're alone and you speak of it to nobody.

4. If you're a grown man, don't go around dressing, or talking like The Fonz.

5. Know when it's time for the curtain to fall, timing is everything.

6. Don't do the whole "Oops, I accidentally texted the wrong person even though it was actually the right person I just didn't want to appear needy" thing. We've all done it, so we can all see through it.

7. Eating spinach on a first date is sort of an "Enter at Your Own Risk" thing.

8. Making That's What She Said jokes while someone is giving a eulogy is usually frowned upon.

9. If you enjoy Waterslides make sure your bathing suit is securely fastened...thank me later.

10. If you're feeling sick to your stomach don't accept a ride home in your friend's dad's clean, and prized truck, trust me.

11. If you look like a latex glove you've had too much plastic surgery.

12. Never pluck your eyebrows using a magnetized mirror. You will look like Mr. Clean.
I know I did.

13. If you trip in public blame it on the current Lunar pattern and keep going.

14. Always get your belts replaced on your car. If you've ever had this problem, you know why.

15. If any dignity is lost, all you can do is just get by. I know I have. And always keep in mind these moments make for great stories later.

The Art of Being a Housewife

Career.Women.Success.
No I'm not asking you to identify which one doesn't belong, I'm asking if these words really go together. I mean is a career outside of the fashion industry something expected of every woman? I'm not stating this because I'm not 100% a feminist. I'm stating this because the more I grow up, the more I've come to the sad realization that there isn't much expected from many women, as much as we like to believe there is.
Growing up, I was taught to believe there were two possible careers for me to pursue; a ballerina or a princess. Both of which at the age of five seemed like very attainable goals. And while I did have  some friends who enjoyed playing with toy racecars and squirt guns with all the other boys I had a word for them...tomboy and also, weird. Much to my surprise that as I grew up, I discovered that in order to be a ballet dancer I would have had to begun grueling training around the age of four and have spent a copius amount of energy and money I didn't have. Now my second option as a princess didn't seem to be panning out too well either; a handsome, rich bachelor didn't seem to be climbing up to my second story room anytime soon. (Although I still sleep with a rose clasped between my palms adorned in my finest wears...hey. you never know). It seemed those weirdo tomboys had the right idea all along.
And so I fear that all girls wishing to pirouette or leap in front of a crowd who never actually took dance lessons, become strippers and those who rely on a wealthy man to rescue them become house wives. Okay, yes there are tons of women out there who have broken the mold and have done amazing things with their lives. And I admire them for it. But what do we call these women? Career-women. If a man goes on to pursue and achieve a great life what do we call him? A man.
There seems to be a rarity in the breed of successful women in the corporate world. Why? Because society has been conditioning these women to become house wives and exotic dancers. I believe that growing up, girls and boys are conditioned differently. While a boy is brought up to idolize firefighters and police officers a girl is off playing house with her dolls hoping to marry one. Now let me clear something up, I don't have a problem with house wives or girls wanting to be mothers. Everyone has something they're meant to do.  But I do believe there is a problem when girls are raised to believe this is the only way to exist. If a girl were to be handed a toy gavel rather than a magic wand every once in a while, would there still be a major lack in gender neutrality? Are women really given the same ideals as a man? I've met one too many women who are relying on a man to "take care of them." I have to wonder, is it wrong for a woman to rely on herself? I just have this bad feeling that too much emphasis is being put on being saved, rather then investing in savings bonds.
Now I'm not doing this to go on a feminist rant. I realize that even in the past 60 years gender roles have evolved beautifully. So I'm not saying that we should have more women that are like men, but more women with balls. It wouldn't be such huge deal for a woman to have a career or be into sports if society had always been leading her in that direction. But I fear the endless supply of plastic kitchens and glitter tiaras are sending our young women the wrong message. If girls didn't expect so much out of a man providing for them maybe they could expect more out of themselves.  While being pretty is a big part of being a little girl, being pretty broke is the harsh reality of many single mom's who were hoping for a college-educated man to come in and sweep them off their feet.
So maybe if we focus a little less on raising baby dolls in the developing years we can raise a generation of women who know nothing of gender inequality. Women who get paid just as much as a man, and still look darn hot in their stillettos doing it.
So bottom line: continue giving little girls glitter ponies and a Barbie Dream House. Just let it be on the record that Barbie bought the house all on her own, without a single swipe of Ken's credit card.  

Image: Princess Peach from Nintendo's Mario/ Courtesy of Wikipedia.
       

A Word From the Not So Wise

There was a time in my life which wasn't so long ago that I was a very insecure person. I had trouble keeping friends, I struggled majorly with body image, and getting the attention of a senior boy was of the utmost importance. In other words I'm talking about my freshman year of high school. Now let me just tell you if you thought that you were awkward freshman year I guarantee I'll have a story to make you feel cooler then a coffee drinking artist with a pipe in his mouth.
So I'll paint a picture for you--I had recently that summer had seven...yes seven of my teeth removed and atop my remaining teeth I had freshly installed braces that looked more like poorly constructed railroad tracks at that point. My hair was cut short at my shoulders by a non-English speaking hairdresser who throught I had instructed them to cut off four inches rather than one (Not that I have anything against foreign hair dressers I mean I HAD been in a different country at the time...it just was something that wouldn't help my cause). And to top it all off I had a group of friends who didn't really want anything to do with me and a good friend of mine. And looking back, that may not have been entirely their fault.  So what I'm tying to say in a nutshell is freshman year was the greatest time of my life.
Nevermind that I had to take swim class, okay let me just say first of all, whoever came up with the idea of high school swim was somewhat of a sadist. Who makes gangly adolescents get in their bathing suits and swim across a pool (which is mostly a mix of saliva and various STD's) in front of all their friends? Not only that, but adorn them in caps and flippers to "make you swim faster" but really, I think it's so the swim coaches can take their passive aggressive feelings out on their fourteen year old pupils. I didn't look anything like Michael Phelps. I looked like a loser. And something that really didn't help my cause was I was in the beginner lane. Aka the row for those so physically uncoordinated that just the simple act of propelling oneself across water made one queasy and ready to give up on high school all together. My advice for swim class? Bring a duck floatie and some penicillin, it just may help you survive. Also, be a boy if you can help it and avoid having your hair turn into icicles as you walk back to class.
Now to make matters worse I was deeply and embarrassingly infatuated with a boy. The only kind of deep infatuation that comes with being fourteen and lonely. He was a senior I was a freshman. He was outgoing and hip, I was out of place and searching. Every girl within  a four mile radius of him was the enemy and I would try to convince myself that we were perfect for eachother. I was coincidentally reading the same books he liked, and I would proceed to coincidentally bring them up around him. I pretended to like things I didn't just to make myself appear more educated. I could learn to love the loathed if the loathed could lead me to what I loved...or thought I did anyway. Looking back, I wasn't cute, or charming...I was creepy. Yeah I said it, I was like one of those examples teachers would use as the bad guy in "Stranger Danger" lessons. The endless charade of Facebook stalking and personality changes made me become nothing short of pathetic. And as The Verve Pipe would argue I was merely a freshman but I was one in dire need of a reality check.
You're probably reading this either laughing or calling Social Services because you're deeply concerned, but all I can say is I think everyone goes through an identity crisis in high school. Maybe not one as drastic as mine, but I'm sure everyone has stopped more then once in their life and asked themselves if they really like who they are and if not, how should that change. So yeah, I was kind of an embarassment of a person back then, but the gap-mouthed out of shape me is still buried beneath me somewhere and she really knows what it's like to just get by. So my advice for incoming freshman?  Here it is--Nobody can prepare you for high school. No amount of watching Mean Girls can prepare you for the female drama you will face , not any amount of chocolate will keep you from tearing your heart out over a senior. But nothing can really prepare you for the overwhelming pride you will feel when you overcome it all.
And always remember, no matter what, your mom thinks you're cool...I know mine did.

My Mosaic

I don't know about you, but whenever I am in the middle of a good novel I can always find one character that I feel I clearly relate to. Right now it is the witty and observant Elizabeth Bennett, heroine of Pride and Prejudice. But it isn't always her, somedays I'm headstrong yet sensitive Bridget from The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Others, I'm the sarcastic and misanthropic Holden Caulfield and more times then not I'm Oscar Wilde's very own obsessed and fragile Basil Hallward who finds art in the strangest of places. Now before you begin believing I'm a schizophrenic in desperate need of being committed, I think it's important for everyone to stop and understand that people are more then just a single toned facade. We really are mosaics-- a multitude of shattered pieces brought together to form a complete work of art. And when it comes to Mosaics, much like people, there is much more then meets the eye. If each piece were to be observed individually one would admire that some pieces are more significant then others, more jagged, more vibrant. While others are rounded and draw little attention to the eye. But when the observer steps back they notice that all the broken particles create something noteworthy and complete. In my opinion, these works of art are proof that it is necessary to be broken in order to become whole. Moments that are soul-shattering or world-moving typically tend to define a person not something that lets them be comfortable in the place they're constantly in.
I like to think that people can be walking contradictions, whether it be a charming pessimist or a teacher who actually has a sense of fashion- a human can't be defined simply with one, definitive statement. I've had the pleasure of meeting some Hermoine Grangers combined with a Dorian Gray or some simultaneous Everdeen-Gatsbys. These are humans who resemble fragments of an author's imagination who would argue in the real world yet somehow reside harmoniously in a functioning human being. I doubt that everyone pulls their personal inspiration from fictional characters as much as I do but I will admit, sometimes these characters are as much apart of me as anything physically present. This very moment I can feel the aura of Miss Bennett urging me to be sly yet likeable. Although so many times I feel Holden criticizing me for being a "phony" or Bridget, who pushes me and makes me braver then ever. These characters lived within me even before I read about them but the fact that they existed on paper sculpted and refined my similarities in them, or rather their similarities in myself. Somehow these conflicting characters have the ability to inhabit my body without totally conquering one another.
I believe that everyone has a striking resemblance to literary humans but what's special about us is we can challenge those people in  ways their creator couldn't. We can take their ideaologies and charactersitics and apply them to the real world. They make us realize that it' s okay to be something different for a while, our general character will bring us back to the center of whio we truly wish to be. So now I'm just getting by while my mosaic comes together one slow, and very real piece at a time.

Image: goodreads